yeah, that last one i did sucked like..something that sucks. pano pa kaya yun tatanggapin sa lit folio?! kaya binago ko, mas maganda naman siguro ito.
MAKULAY ANG GABI SA MAYNILA
NI: geronimo martinez
akala natin, pagdating ng gabi
hudyat ng laganap na kadiliman
ngunit kung ika'y mapadaan sa Maynila
ang gabi doon, matingkad na pula
tila anino ng lumalagablab na apoy
na tumutupok sa kung saang ibayo
nagmistulang bahid ng sariwang dugo
umagos mula sa sugat ng langit
diretso lang ang tingin kaibigan
huwag lilingun-lingon habang naglalakad
sa lungsod, pati ang ilaw ay may anino
lahat ng bagay may tinatagong kulay
tignan mabuti lahat ng gumagalaw
kahit na ang mga sawimpalad sa tabi
kung mayroon ngang puting tupang nawawala
mayroon ding lobong nagbalat-kayong kawawa
tila nagpupumiglas sa bagot ng langit
matinkgkad at dilaw, kumukutitap na bituin
makikita mo ba ang kay-liwanag nilang ngiti,
sa likod ng usok na tila ulap at ulan sa paningin?
huwag dumako sa silong na madilim
kung saan kahit bughaw na dugo'y itim na rin
walang makaririnig o dudulog sa iyong pagsigaw
walang pintuang magbubukas-palad nang libre
dinig ang bawat yabag sa kulay abong eskinita
umaalingawngaw ang bawat tapak sa sementong sahig
maririnig kung biglang may nagmadali ng lakad
sasabay dito ang tibok ng iyong pag-aalanganin
bughaw,
(dug dug)
Pilipinas,
(dug dug)
pula,
(dug dug)
Maynila,
(tak, tak, tak)
dilaw,
(tak tak tak tak tak)
Pilipino,
(taktaktaktak...tak, tak tak)
puti,
(dug..)
ilaw
(dug...dug...)
gabi,
(......)
itim
tuwing naglalakad ka sa lungsod at nag-iisa
huwag ka matakot sa iyong hindi makita
mas mag-ingat sa mga kulay ng paligid
at sa mamang may patalim na sumusunod sa iyo.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
my resignation letter
to my leader,
i present to you my formal letter of resignation from our group. this
is because of my belief that my lacking performance is a liability to the
group's quality of work, and undermines the ideals for which we stand.
i wouldn't want the group's integrity to suffer because of my
inability. I'd rather break my own pride than compromise everyone else's.
i always admired people like you from afar. you always achieved the
greatness i aspired for. i thought that for one shining moment, i could be like
you. i was proven wrong.
am i really worthy to take part in your great endeavors? i may never
know. I'd rather relieve myself of my sworn commitment than wait until you come
to despise me.
maybe, i could have learned to embody your greatness, but not in the
time and manner that you'd find useful.
farewell. at least, for a brief time, i called you my dear comrades. i
thank you for the chance, and for showing me the mistake that is my
presumptuousness.
perhaps, one day, in another time and place, we will meet again and be
friends...but only just...
-geronimo
i present to you my formal letter of resignation from our group. this
is because of my belief that my lacking performance is a liability to the
group's quality of work, and undermines the ideals for which we stand.
i wouldn't want the group's integrity to suffer because of my
inability. I'd rather break my own pride than compromise everyone else's.
i always admired people like you from afar. you always achieved the
greatness i aspired for. i thought that for one shining moment, i could be like
you. i was proven wrong.
am i really worthy to take part in your great endeavors? i may never
know. I'd rather relieve myself of my sworn commitment than wait until you come
to despise me.
maybe, i could have learned to embody your greatness, but not in the
time and manner that you'd find useful.
farewell. at least, for a brief time, i called you my dear comrades. i
thank you for the chance, and for showing me the mistake that is my
presumptuousness.
perhaps, one day, in another time and place, we will meet again and be
friends...but only just...
-geronimo
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
now that i got this out of my chest...(reflections on a love lost)
About g...
The sky is always crying these days. I hate it. only cowards and those weak of
heart cry. the sky is a coward. it's weak. it makes me feel and remember things
i'd rather not.
category 4 typhoon Parma is hitting the country right now
people greatly exaggerated it's strength in a fit of panic.
they said it would be stronger than typhoon Xangsane, or Millenio as it is
locally known, which ripped the capital with its shearing winds back in 2006.
i remember that time...we were out of electricity at home. the dangerous part
was that we were also out of potable drinking water. my dad and i went around
the whole city trying to find a shop that sells distilled water. but all of
them were closed down because of the storm.it was then that i thought to ask my
then best friend g. i asked him if he knew any water stations around that
was still open. he answered graciously. and he told us of one around bf
village. it turns out, that shop was the only one for miles that still worked,
and dozens lined up for it. i wouldn't be exaggerating in saying that my friend
saved me, and my whole family that day. and i wasn't lacking in flooding him
with my dramatic gratitude.
now a similar storm is raging...but my friend isn't there to help me
anymore...for some reason or another, we've grown apart. our relationship is as
stormy as the typhoon outside. uncertain, unexpected, no pause for sunlight.
all my requests for some time together are met with endless and obvious
excuses, if not unheard all together.
just recently i asked him if we could hang together, maybe play some badminton,
considering we haven't seen each other for months, with barely any contact in
between. i planned it three days in advance. and i texted him continuously
throughout that period, hoping for a reply that never came. my texts never lost
their gentleness regardless. the day before my planned date for a get-together,
he texted a lengthy reply. he lacked load the past few days he said, and
apologized for the late reply. that was all well...but then he said that he
couldn't come because he had a lot of schoolwork to catch up to. that
considering the week long suspension of classes. schoolwork. really. needless
to say, i was crushed. i knew there and then that it was an obvious excuse, an
intentional lie. of course, the message ended with him profusely apologizing.
just like in every text reply he ever sent me...messages i never erased from
my phone.
even then, i just replied.."oh..ok, it's alright." but obviously i wasn't.
silence met that last exchange between us.
tomorrow came, the date i was supposed to spend with him...i just recently knew
then that gi had a facebook account. i dared not add him as a friend, for fear
that he might see my emotional status posts on my profile. emotional status
posts that were almost always about my lamentation over our falling-out. which
constituted nearly all of my status posts. besides, there was that lingering
psychological effect on me...adding him up would only cause me to hurt inside,
i figured.
i asked a mutual friend of ours to check if he had actually been using his
account, just to check a suspicion of mine. i was proven correct. piles of
undone schoolwork amounted to a day spent using facebook and its myriad of
games and applications.
i heavily suspect that he's doing this intentionally, consciously distancing
himself from me. well, he has succeeded, because i let him, because it hurt me
too much thinking about asking him why. i loved him too much. to the point that
i could confidently tell even the Lord that now i know how it is to love as He
does, even if just a little bit. g was the only person i ever loved more than
a lover could ever love his fiance. and perhaps...he finally knew of my true
feelings for him, and thus began to sever our ties...
i actually wanted him to know. but i didn't want it to end... this badly. at
the least, i wanted to tell him of my love, then make amends and leave each
other in peace. but what's happening now is more subtle, yet a more potent
venomous sting. we never really broke ties. he keeps the illusion of friendship
while severing it ever so slowly. it keeps me in agony...and in a constant
state of longing and regret.
i should just tell him and get it over with. but i can't exactly find it easy
to do. g has been one of the biggest influences in my life. he taught me how
it was to love, and what love really meant, indirectly through the course of
our relationship. he changed me so much. he made my life better. he was that
boyhood best friend i was never privileged to have when i was younger. he
helped me grow and develop in such an important aspect of my life. i grew to
love him even more because of that...and probably that is why i can't help but
cling to him...or rather, to the memory of how we were happy together.
i try hard to stop being so emotional. i try hard to just break it all and move
on. but it's too hard for me right now. he made that much of an impact on me
that i can't just let go. it doesn't help that he lost my guitar, which he
borrowed from me 3 years previously. my parents are in a furor, telling me to
get it back. but i can't even tell them g lost it, for fear of the action
they will take. even now, i'm still protecting the only boy i ever loved. i
can't even be aggressive with him about it. i still take up the heart of
understanding and gentleness..while he shrugs it off as some easily forgotten
matter while profusely apologizing some more.
what he doesn't see is the matter of trust, that he so easily desecrated.
just recently, i went back to that water station that g told me about, the one
that saved my family. now, it's just a decrepit abandoned building.
remembering our loving bond back then, memories of him in the past, because of
the typhoon now is making me tear up inside. reflecting on how painful things
are right now, memories of him in the present...will forever haunt my every
footstep. i can never truly say that i lived my life without regrets.
all the while, the sky cries in the night.
The sky is always crying these days. I hate it. only cowards and those weak of
heart cry. the sky is a coward. it's weak. it makes me feel and remember things
i'd rather not.
category 4 typhoon Parma is hitting the country right now
people greatly exaggerated it's strength in a fit of panic.
they said it would be stronger than typhoon Xangsane, or Millenio as it is
locally known, which ripped the capital with its shearing winds back in 2006.
i remember that time...we were out of electricity at home. the dangerous part
was that we were also out of potable drinking water. my dad and i went around
the whole city trying to find a shop that sells distilled water. but all of
them were closed down because of the storm.it was then that i thought to ask my
then best friend g. i asked him if he knew any water stations around that
was still open. he answered graciously. and he told us of one around bf
village. it turns out, that shop was the only one for miles that still worked,
and dozens lined up for it. i wouldn't be exaggerating in saying that my friend
saved me, and my whole family that day. and i wasn't lacking in flooding him
with my dramatic gratitude.
now a similar storm is raging...but my friend isn't there to help me
anymore...for some reason or another, we've grown apart. our relationship is as
stormy as the typhoon outside. uncertain, unexpected, no pause for sunlight.
all my requests for some time together are met with endless and obvious
excuses, if not unheard all together.
just recently i asked him if we could hang together, maybe play some badminton,
considering we haven't seen each other for months, with barely any contact in
between. i planned it three days in advance. and i texted him continuously
throughout that period, hoping for a reply that never came. my texts never lost
their gentleness regardless. the day before my planned date for a get-together,
he texted a lengthy reply. he lacked load the past few days he said, and
apologized for the late reply. that was all well...but then he said that he
couldn't come because he had a lot of schoolwork to catch up to. that
considering the week long suspension of classes. schoolwork. really. needless
to say, i was crushed. i knew there and then that it was an obvious excuse, an
intentional lie. of course, the message ended with him profusely apologizing.
just like in every text reply he ever sent me...messages i never erased from
my phone.
even then, i just replied.."oh..ok, it's alright." but obviously i wasn't.
silence met that last exchange between us.
tomorrow came, the date i was supposed to spend with him...i just recently knew
then that gi had a facebook account. i dared not add him as a friend, for fear
that he might see my emotional status posts on my profile. emotional status
posts that were almost always about my lamentation over our falling-out. which
constituted nearly all of my status posts. besides, there was that lingering
psychological effect on me...adding him up would only cause me to hurt inside,
i figured.
i asked a mutual friend of ours to check if he had actually been using his
account, just to check a suspicion of mine. i was proven correct. piles of
undone schoolwork amounted to a day spent using facebook and its myriad of
games and applications.
i heavily suspect that he's doing this intentionally, consciously distancing
himself from me. well, he has succeeded, because i let him, because it hurt me
too much thinking about asking him why. i loved him too much. to the point that
i could confidently tell even the Lord that now i know how it is to love as He
does, even if just a little bit. g was the only person i ever loved more than
a lover could ever love his fiance. and perhaps...he finally knew of my true
feelings for him, and thus began to sever our ties...
i actually wanted him to know. but i didn't want it to end... this badly. at
the least, i wanted to tell him of my love, then make amends and leave each
other in peace. but what's happening now is more subtle, yet a more potent
venomous sting. we never really broke ties. he keeps the illusion of friendship
while severing it ever so slowly. it keeps me in agony...and in a constant
state of longing and regret.
i should just tell him and get it over with. but i can't exactly find it easy
to do. g has been one of the biggest influences in my life. he taught me how
it was to love, and what love really meant, indirectly through the course of
our relationship. he changed me so much. he made my life better. he was that
boyhood best friend i was never privileged to have when i was younger. he
helped me grow and develop in such an important aspect of my life. i grew to
love him even more because of that...and probably that is why i can't help but
cling to him...or rather, to the memory of how we were happy together.
i try hard to stop being so emotional. i try hard to just break it all and move
on. but it's too hard for me right now. he made that much of an impact on me
that i can't just let go. it doesn't help that he lost my guitar, which he
borrowed from me 3 years previously. my parents are in a furor, telling me to
get it back. but i can't even tell them g lost it, for fear of the action
they will take. even now, i'm still protecting the only boy i ever loved. i
can't even be aggressive with him about it. i still take up the heart of
understanding and gentleness..while he shrugs it off as some easily forgotten
matter while profusely apologizing some more.
what he doesn't see is the matter of trust, that he so easily desecrated.
just recently, i went back to that water station that g told me about, the one
that saved my family. now, it's just a decrepit abandoned building.
remembering our loving bond back then, memories of him in the past, because of
the typhoon now is making me tear up inside. reflecting on how painful things
are right now, memories of him in the present...will forever haunt my every
footstep. i can never truly say that i lived my life without regrets.
all the while, the sky cries in the night.
ala-ala ng kahapon (mga ala-ala ng kaibigang minsan kong inibig)
alaala ng kahapon
by: geronimo martinez
PAUNANG TULA
sumisikat pa ba ang araw sa nakasimangot na labi?
nagtago ang musmos sa anino ng limot at poot
larawan ng dalawang magkaibigan iniharap sa pader
naiwang nag-iisa ang litrato ng batang nagpapakatanda
may mukha na tila dinala ang sakit ng mundo
hinawi ng panahon ang puso ng katipan
sa pagsasaisip ng tama at maling pagsasama
walang anu-ano't pinigilang sikatan ng araw ang bulaklak
ang ulo'y tila nakabitay sa sariling tangkay
nawalan ng dating kulay at pagmamalaki
-------------------------------------------------------
COLOGNE
ang pabangong ito'y may sentimental na halaga sa akin. ito ang kauna-unahang
pabango na aking natanggap, at ito'y isang regalo mula sa isang kaibigan.
nagyari't sa panahon ding iyon nagsimula tayo magsama nang madalas, ginagawa
ang mga napakasayang bagay. sa mga pagkakataong iyon, lagi ko ginagamit ang
pabangong iyon tuwing ika'y kasama ko. at sa kalauna'y naiugnay ko sa iyo ang
mahalimuyak na amoy nito. matapos ang ating pagwalay sa piling ng isa't -isa,
hindi ko na muli ginamit ang pabangong iyon. ni minsan ay di ko na muling
ninais maamoy ang kanyang bango, sapagkat ipinaalala lamang nito ang ating
masayang pagsasama na hindi na muli mangyayari.
unique pa naman ng pagkabasa ko sa brand niya..."eww the toilet"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
EMO PUNK ROCK LOVE SONG
kung tutuusin, ayaw ko ng mga kantang tulad nito. maingay ang tingin ko sa mga
kantang ganito. kung gagamitan ng isip, ang babaw ng mga salita, walang
matalinong paghinuhang magagawa sa kanyang ma berso. hindi ko alam kung paano
ko pa nakilala ang napakababaw na kantang ito. kung di mo lang siguro ito
ipinamahal sa akin, kung di lang sana ako napamahal sa iyo, hindi sana...
nang panahon na iyong magsingtalik tayo ng dalawang magkasi, wala akong
masyadong kagustuhan sa napapanahong tugtugin. ipinakilala mo sa akin ang
kantang iyon, dahil ikinagigiliw mo ito. siguro nga'y iyon ang nauuso sa mga
batang tulad mo. nakakaaliw siyang pakinggan, ngunit mas naaaliw akong tignan
kang ngumiti nang malaki tuwing ito'y naririnig mo, kahit na nga ba'y tunkol sa
sawing pag-ibig na sinabayan ng electric guitars ang kanta.napamahal ako sa
kantang iyon dahil ika'y aking naalala tuwing ipinatutugtog ko ito. kahit
hanggang ngayon, kung saan halos estranghero na ang tingin natin sa isa't isa,
ipinapatugtog ko pa rin ang mababaw na emo na kantang iyon. at lagi akong
napapakunat ng noo at napapapikit ng mata sa pagdinig nito. sa mababaw na mga
bersong taglay nito, naririnig ko ang kwento ng aking sawing pag-ibig sa iyo.
nakakaawa na talaga ang isang tao kapag lahat na ng love song na kanyang
naririnig ay kaya na niyang i-relate sa kanyang sariling sawing pag-ibig.
basta ang sakin, theme song parin natin kahit kailan ay...."this guy's in love
with you pare!..."
by: geronimo martinez
PAUNANG TULA
sumisikat pa ba ang araw sa nakasimangot na labi?
nagtago ang musmos sa anino ng limot at poot
larawan ng dalawang magkaibigan iniharap sa pader
naiwang nag-iisa ang litrato ng batang nagpapakatanda
may mukha na tila dinala ang sakit ng mundo
hinawi ng panahon ang puso ng katipan
sa pagsasaisip ng tama at maling pagsasama
walang anu-ano't pinigilang sikatan ng araw ang bulaklak
ang ulo'y tila nakabitay sa sariling tangkay
nawalan ng dating kulay at pagmamalaki
-------------------------------------------------------
COLOGNE
ang pabangong ito'y may sentimental na halaga sa akin. ito ang kauna-unahang
pabango na aking natanggap, at ito'y isang regalo mula sa isang kaibigan.
nagyari't sa panahon ding iyon nagsimula tayo magsama nang madalas, ginagawa
ang mga napakasayang bagay. sa mga pagkakataong iyon, lagi ko ginagamit ang
pabangong iyon tuwing ika'y kasama ko. at sa kalauna'y naiugnay ko sa iyo ang
mahalimuyak na amoy nito. matapos ang ating pagwalay sa piling ng isa't -isa,
hindi ko na muli ginamit ang pabangong iyon. ni minsan ay di ko na muling
ninais maamoy ang kanyang bango, sapagkat ipinaalala lamang nito ang ating
masayang pagsasama na hindi na muli mangyayari.
unique pa naman ng pagkabasa ko sa brand niya..."eww the toilet"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
EMO PUNK ROCK LOVE SONG
kung tutuusin, ayaw ko ng mga kantang tulad nito. maingay ang tingin ko sa mga
kantang ganito. kung gagamitan ng isip, ang babaw ng mga salita, walang
matalinong paghinuhang magagawa sa kanyang ma berso. hindi ko alam kung paano
ko pa nakilala ang napakababaw na kantang ito. kung di mo lang siguro ito
ipinamahal sa akin, kung di lang sana ako napamahal sa iyo, hindi sana...
nang panahon na iyong magsingtalik tayo ng dalawang magkasi, wala akong
masyadong kagustuhan sa napapanahong tugtugin. ipinakilala mo sa akin ang
kantang iyon, dahil ikinagigiliw mo ito. siguro nga'y iyon ang nauuso sa mga
batang tulad mo. nakakaaliw siyang pakinggan, ngunit mas naaaliw akong tignan
kang ngumiti nang malaki tuwing ito'y naririnig mo, kahit na nga ba'y tunkol sa
sawing pag-ibig na sinabayan ng electric guitars ang kanta.napamahal ako sa
kantang iyon dahil ika'y aking naalala tuwing ipinatutugtog ko ito. kahit
hanggang ngayon, kung saan halos estranghero na ang tingin natin sa isa't isa,
ipinapatugtog ko pa rin ang mababaw na emo na kantang iyon. at lagi akong
napapakunat ng noo at napapapikit ng mata sa pagdinig nito. sa mababaw na mga
bersong taglay nito, naririnig ko ang kwento ng aking sawing pag-ibig sa iyo.
nakakaawa na talaga ang isang tao kapag lahat na ng love song na kanyang
naririnig ay kaya na niyang i-relate sa kanyang sariling sawing pag-ibig.
basta ang sakin, theme song parin natin kahit kailan ay...."this guy's in love
with you pare!..."
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Makulay ang Gabi sa Maynila - isang tula
MAKULAY ANG GABI SA MAYNILA
NI: geronimo martinez
akala natin, pagdating ng gabi
hudyat ng laganap na kadiliman
ngunit tuwing ika'y nasa pusod ng inang bayan
ang gabi ay matinkad na pula
tila anino ng lumalagablab na apoy
na tumutupok sa kung saang ibayo
nagmistulang bahid ng sariwang dugo
umagos mula sa sugat ng langit
tama ang pangitain ni santa lucia
nakinig kaya ang taong bayan sa salita?
hindi mo kailangan ng armas sa digmaan
sapat na ang gutom, kadungisan, at kahirapan
tuyo ang puso at mapapakukunat ang noo
tuwing nakikita ang mga sawimpalad sa tabi
hindi mo alam kung sila'y puting tupa ng Ama
o kung tinatago ang pangil ng itim na lobo
huwag titigan ang mga bituin kung makasisilip
baka mabulag sa paparating na ilaw sa lupa
humaharurot na mga ilaw sayo'y magpapasalangit
ang dilaw ng bituin ay di nanggagaling sa dyip
ngunit huwag rin dumako sa silong na madilim
kung saan ang bughaw na anino'y itim na rin
walang makaririnig o dudulog sa iyong pagsigaw
harapin man ang saradong pintuan ng husgado
dinig ang bawat yabag sa kulay abong eskinita
umaalingawngaw ang bawat tapak sa sementong sahig
maririnig kung biglang may nagmadali ng lakad
sasaby dito ang tibok ng iyong pagaalanganin
sa mauulit, mag-ingat sa pagtawid ng kalsada
kung saka-sakaling papunta ka sa P.Faura
ang mga kulay ng Maynila'y huwag gaano alalahanin
baka ang holdaper sa likod mo'y di agad mapansin.
NI: geronimo martinez
akala natin, pagdating ng gabi
hudyat ng laganap na kadiliman
ngunit tuwing ika'y nasa pusod ng inang bayan
ang gabi ay matinkad na pula
tila anino ng lumalagablab na apoy
na tumutupok sa kung saang ibayo
nagmistulang bahid ng sariwang dugo
umagos mula sa sugat ng langit
tama ang pangitain ni santa lucia
nakinig kaya ang taong bayan sa salita?
hindi mo kailangan ng armas sa digmaan
sapat na ang gutom, kadungisan, at kahirapan
tuyo ang puso at mapapakukunat ang noo
tuwing nakikita ang mga sawimpalad sa tabi
hindi mo alam kung sila'y puting tupa ng Ama
o kung tinatago ang pangil ng itim na lobo
huwag titigan ang mga bituin kung makasisilip
baka mabulag sa paparating na ilaw sa lupa
humaharurot na mga ilaw sayo'y magpapasalangit
ang dilaw ng bituin ay di nanggagaling sa dyip
ngunit huwag rin dumako sa silong na madilim
kung saan ang bughaw na anino'y itim na rin
walang makaririnig o dudulog sa iyong pagsigaw
harapin man ang saradong pintuan ng husgado
dinig ang bawat yabag sa kulay abong eskinita
umaalingawngaw ang bawat tapak sa sementong sahig
maririnig kung biglang may nagmadali ng lakad
sasaby dito ang tibok ng iyong pagaalanganin
sa mauulit, mag-ingat sa pagtawid ng kalsada
kung saka-sakaling papunta ka sa P.Faura
ang mga kulay ng Maynila'y huwag gaano alalahanin
baka ang holdaper sa likod mo'y di agad mapansin.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Tadzio - a poem inspired ny "death in venice" by thomas mann
Tadzio
by: geronimo martinez
tell me again of that fair youth
whose eyes reflect perfection divine
with but a glance i was enamored
by no less than an arrow from Eros' bow
such beauty, such captivating allures!
but to reach out and grab these far-flung stars
alive and shining in this wonderful boy
it would better me to rather seek death!
there is no evil nor perverse desire
only the spark of flaming passion
he gave life to an otherwise waning soul
tell me then if this is not the work of angels
my heart beats violently, my soul ablaze!
and yet this ideal being, i cannot touch
impossible to attain the sweet nectar of youth
leaving the seeker to gaze from a distance
what crueler fate, i ask you?
to be given a glimpse heaven through this boy
and yet be denied to taste the bliss it brings!
akin to a bittersweet tragedy fit for a sadist!
and i am left with nothing but thievery
stealing fleeting glances of his smile...
and for one moment in eternity, he glanced back
eyes meeting firstly, then a nervous boyish grin...
maybe...just maybe...i could...
yet the mistress is fickle to her slaves.
-inspired by Death in Venice by Thomas Mann
cge, dapat nag aaral aq for midterms...pero instead i write a gay poem...hmmm i need to sort out my priorities...
by: geronimo martinez
tell me again of that fair youth
whose eyes reflect perfection divine
with but a glance i was enamored
by no less than an arrow from Eros' bow
such beauty, such captivating allures!
but to reach out and grab these far-flung stars
alive and shining in this wonderful boy
it would better me to rather seek death!
there is no evil nor perverse desire
only the spark of flaming passion
he gave life to an otherwise waning soul
tell me then if this is not the work of angels
my heart beats violently, my soul ablaze!
and yet this ideal being, i cannot touch
impossible to attain the sweet nectar of youth
leaving the seeker to gaze from a distance
what crueler fate, i ask you?
to be given a glimpse heaven through this boy
and yet be denied to taste the bliss it brings!
akin to a bittersweet tragedy fit for a sadist!
and i am left with nothing but thievery
stealing fleeting glances of his smile...
and for one moment in eternity, he glanced back
eyes meeting firstly, then a nervous boyish grin...
maybe...just maybe...i could...
yet the mistress is fickle to her slaves.
-inspired by Death in Venice by Thomas Mann
cge, dapat nag aaral aq for midterms...pero instead i write a gay poem...hmmm i need to sort out my priorities...
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
To the mother of my beloved (a cheesy poem)
the other day i saw my dear friend's mom from a distance. then this poem sparked to my head.
mother of my beloved
by: geronimo martinez
mother of my beloved, will you believe my next words?
do you find me trustworthy enough, and sincere as well?
indeed you have known me from my childhood until now
just as you raised and watched over my beloved.
mother of my dearest, please regard me with pity
i seek your understanding, and perhaps forgiveness
there is none i would dare assume would accept
what i tell you now, only you can heed
mother of my friend, please calm yourself now
do not fear my presumptuousness nor my seriousness
indeed it is i who should fear the most
for now i shall tell you, how I love your child so
mother of my lover, i beg your understanding
for only a mother's love can hope to comprehend
what my heart for so long has tried to show
that it shouts your son's name every day that i live
mother of my beloved, i implore you to anger not
i commit no injustice to your child nor to society
there is no perverse nor unclean intention to my will
i swear upon my life, it is the purest love i've given
why then, mother of my dearest, do i trouble you now?
why do i burden you with the truth i've tried to hide?
it is because of my fear that your son might sever ties
if he learns of my love, love that the world sees not
only your mother's love can see within me
that crying little boy who knew no true comaradary
to that lonely young man who's heart grew to love
that pure friendship your son willingly gave.
do you see now, mother of my friend?
this love for your child spurned new life for me
i've become a better man because of him
and that is why i can never love him enough
truly it is my greatest fear in life
that your son would shun me for my preference
that he would turn a cold shoulder to my pleas
that even our friendship would be left a memory
this is why i trouble you with my words, mother of my beloved
i cannot hope for him to understand what i feel
so i entrust to you this knowledge, that you may realize
how great my love is for your only son
had i not told you this, my secret will consume me
none has known of this, save for you
worry not, mother of my beloved, i will trouble you no further
tell him one day, that i loved him more than he could ever know.
mother of my beloved
by: geronimo martinez
mother of my beloved, will you believe my next words?
do you find me trustworthy enough, and sincere as well?
indeed you have known me from my childhood until now
just as you raised and watched over my beloved.
mother of my dearest, please regard me with pity
i seek your understanding, and perhaps forgiveness
there is none i would dare assume would accept
what i tell you now, only you can heed
mother of my friend, please calm yourself now
do not fear my presumptuousness nor my seriousness
indeed it is i who should fear the most
for now i shall tell you, how I love your child so
mother of my lover, i beg your understanding
for only a mother's love can hope to comprehend
what my heart for so long has tried to show
that it shouts your son's name every day that i live
mother of my beloved, i implore you to anger not
i commit no injustice to your child nor to society
there is no perverse nor unclean intention to my will
i swear upon my life, it is the purest love i've given
why then, mother of my dearest, do i trouble you now?
why do i burden you with the truth i've tried to hide?
it is because of my fear that your son might sever ties
if he learns of my love, love that the world sees not
only your mother's love can see within me
that crying little boy who knew no true comaradary
to that lonely young man who's heart grew to love
that pure friendship your son willingly gave.
do you see now, mother of my friend?
this love for your child spurned new life for me
i've become a better man because of him
and that is why i can never love him enough
truly it is my greatest fear in life
that your son would shun me for my preference
that he would turn a cold shoulder to my pleas
that even our friendship would be left a memory
this is why i trouble you with my words, mother of my beloved
i cannot hope for him to understand what i feel
so i entrust to you this knowledge, that you may realize
how great my love is for your only son
had i not told you this, my secret will consume me
none has known of this, save for you
worry not, mother of my beloved, i will trouble you no further
tell him one day, that i loved him more than he could ever know.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
I need to justify my laziness....to myself.
walang mamamagitan sa akin at ang aking oras para sa aking
pansariling kagustuhan. oo nga't hindi ito gawain ng pulidong
mag-aaral, ngunit ito ang aking prinspiyo sa pagtatrabaho.
kailanma'y hindi ako magiging alipin ng aking trabaho.
tawagin mo akong tamad, oo. walang pagsisikap, sige rin. alam
kong mayroong mga magagaling na tao, na payag masakrepisyo ang
kanilang mga sarili sa ngalan ng kanilang tungkulin, at dahil
doon sila'y dakila. kinikilala ko sila. ngunit kailanma'y
hindi ako matutulad sa kanila.
maaari nga't pagmamatigas lang ito ng aking pagmamalaki sa
sarili; isang nakasisirang paraan ng pagmamayabang... ngunit, sa
alam ko'y maganda pa rin ang pamumuhay ko ngayon sa kabila ng
aking pagbibigay ng higit na pansin sa aking pansariling oras.
at ako'y kuntento pa rin.
kung tutuusin, kung hindi ko ginagawa ang ganito, marahil
napaka-iba ng aking katauhan sa iyong nakikita ngayon.
ihalintulad mo na lang ang aking prinsipyo sa isang magiting
na sundalo. oo nga't siyay magaling. lahat ng oras niya'y
iginugugol sa pakikidigma at pakikipaglaban. at siya nga'y
nananalo sa napakaraming guerra. ngunit para saan ang lahat ng
ito kung sa kanyang pag-alay ng sarili sa pakikidigma ay
nalimutan na niya ang kanyang tunay na ipinaglalaban? paano pa
kaya kung ang sundalong ito'y nagpahirap ng mga inosenteng
kababayan ng kaaway, para lang sila'y takutin...? ganoon ang
aking paniniwala.
kailanma'y, huwag mong kalimutan ang iyong sarili.
i try to keep telling myself this whenever i feel insecure at the vastly superior efforts everyone else puts in their studies. for as long as i can keep lying to myself...i can be sure i've done no wrong to my pride...
pansariling kagustuhan. oo nga't hindi ito gawain ng pulidong
mag-aaral, ngunit ito ang aking prinspiyo sa pagtatrabaho.
kailanma'y hindi ako magiging alipin ng aking trabaho.
tawagin mo akong tamad, oo. walang pagsisikap, sige rin. alam
kong mayroong mga magagaling na tao, na payag masakrepisyo ang
kanilang mga sarili sa ngalan ng kanilang tungkulin, at dahil
doon sila'y dakila. kinikilala ko sila. ngunit kailanma'y
hindi ako matutulad sa kanila.
maaari nga't pagmamatigas lang ito ng aking pagmamalaki sa
sarili; isang nakasisirang paraan ng pagmamayabang... ngunit, sa
alam ko'y maganda pa rin ang pamumuhay ko ngayon sa kabila ng
aking pagbibigay ng higit na pansin sa aking pansariling oras.
at ako'y kuntento pa rin.
kung tutuusin, kung hindi ko ginagawa ang ganito, marahil
napaka-iba ng aking katauhan sa iyong nakikita ngayon.
ihalintulad mo na lang ang aking prinsipyo sa isang magiting
na sundalo. oo nga't siyay magaling. lahat ng oras niya'y
iginugugol sa pakikidigma at pakikipaglaban. at siya nga'y
nananalo sa napakaraming guerra. ngunit para saan ang lahat ng
ito kung sa kanyang pag-alay ng sarili sa pakikidigma ay
nalimutan na niya ang kanyang tunay na ipinaglalaban? paano pa
kaya kung ang sundalong ito'y nagpahirap ng mga inosenteng
kababayan ng kaaway, para lang sila'y takutin...? ganoon ang
aking paniniwala.
kailanma'y, huwag mong kalimutan ang iyong sarili.
i try to keep telling myself this whenever i feel insecure at the vastly superior efforts everyone else puts in their studies. for as long as i can keep lying to myself...i can be sure i've done no wrong to my pride...
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
isang tula para sa teacher. may kilala ba kayong teacher na pwede pagbigyan nito?
SLEEPY
by: geronimo martinez
that simple and sure lack of interest
a time when there is no want for meaning
when this void befalls the weary
be about your wits!
as the devil silently slithers
with his person the shadow's will
cloaking your senses in darkness
and making time itself stand still!
try as I might, there is no defense
even as i invoke fire upon my lips
no burning passion can resist
this dreaded weakness of the flesh
stand tall and firm, persevere!
yet these words fall short and hollow
pace around, free your mind!
yet you are caged within delirium
mindful of every sound, every tick
every whisper and murmur or smirk
with eyes all around to see your fall
what can a man do but damn it all!
as my deadened words grind to a halt
i sought the respite of my seat
without intention my head wanders the unknown
with nothing but an audible bang
as though the pain was insufficient
the laughter would wake even death
i shall not hang my head in shame
lest i fall back into abyss
of the many eyes that criticized
one of them approached to speak
in a kindly voice that sought to implore
"my dear professor, you should sleep more!"
by: geronimo martinez
that simple and sure lack of interest
a time when there is no want for meaning
when this void befalls the weary
be about your wits!
as the devil silently slithers
with his person the shadow's will
cloaking your senses in darkness
and making time itself stand still!
try as I might, there is no defense
even as i invoke fire upon my lips
no burning passion can resist
this dreaded weakness of the flesh
stand tall and firm, persevere!
yet these words fall short and hollow
pace around, free your mind!
yet you are caged within delirium
mindful of every sound, every tick
every whisper and murmur or smirk
with eyes all around to see your fall
what can a man do but damn it all!
as my deadened words grind to a halt
i sought the respite of my seat
without intention my head wanders the unknown
with nothing but an audible bang
as though the pain was insufficient
the laughter would wake even death
i shall not hang my head in shame
lest i fall back into abyss
of the many eyes that criticized
one of them approached to speak
in a kindly voice that sought to implore
"my dear professor, you should sleep more!"
Thursday, March 19, 2009
A new original drawing i did! Pat says i really got better!
my new drawing! konohamaru from naruto! done with chibi/cute anime style
and yeah, even though emphasis sa napakalaking ulo at mukha, mas proud ako sa katawan niya! cuz i actually did it right! haha! achievement!
i'm so proud! pat said i'm getting good at this! coming from him, it's like having steven spielburg tell me that i did a good movie script! yey! =3
and yeah, even though emphasis sa napakalaking ulo at mukha, mas proud ako sa katawan niya! cuz i actually did it right! haha! achievement!
i'm so proud! pat said i'm getting good at this! coming from him, it's like having steven spielburg tell me that i did a good movie script! yey! =3
Sunday, March 15, 2009
I am getting GOOD at this!!!! wahahahhaha...ha
yeah! i always wanted to be good at drawing...but i was never good at it..
well, goes to show you never know what you can do until you try! =D
i've tried realistic photo drawings, now i'm trying cute anime style!
one day, i swear i'm gonna do a webcomic! hehe
whoops! wahahaha. i couldn't help but experiment ^_^; i wanna know how far i can take this.
well, goes to show you never know what you can do until you try! =D
i've tried realistic photo drawings, now i'm trying cute anime style!
one day, i swear i'm gonna do a webcomic! hehe
whoops! wahahaha. i couldn't help but experiment ^_^; i wanna know how far i can take this.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Ano ba ang pinagkaiba ng pagiging emo sa pagiging tao?
ito ang isa sa aking mga pilosopiya sa buhay...
upang maging ganap na tao, bukas ka dapat sa lahat ng emosyon...
kailangan bukas ka sa kasiyahan, kalungkutan, sa tuwa, sa sakit, sa tawa, sa luha...
pano kung laging luha, sakit, kalungkutan, poot, galit, pagsisisi at pagdurusa ang nararamdaman mo?
sabi nila, emo daw yun.
eh ang emo diba emotional in short?
sila'y mga taong nagpapadala lang sa alon ng kanilang emosyon
kung tutuusin, ang ginagawa nila ay alinsunod sa aking prinsipyo ng pagiging ganap na tao
eh di, bakit napakarami sa atin (kabilang na ako diyan...) ang ikinamumuhi sila? kung sila'y nagpapakatao lamang?
siguro kasi...sila hindi sila takot magpakita ng emosyon...tayo ang takot...kaya natin sila inilalabas sa lipunan...kasi hindi sila gumagaya satin na takot. malay mo, lahat pala ng nangaasar sa mga emo ay emo rin pala sa likod ng mga saradong pintuan.
pero di ko rin sinasabi na tama ang mga gawain ng mga sinasabing emo...
may kulang kasi sa ginagawa nila.
sa pagtanggap nila sa mga emosyon ng galit, sakit, lungkot at kung ano pa man, na tunay nga namang kagimbal-gimbal...nalimutan na nilang tanggapin ang mga emosyon ng kasiyahan, kagalakan at yung mga ganoong bagay...
sa kahit anong hirap ng sitwasyon...dapat hindi natin limutin kung pano sumaya...kasi kung malilimutan natin yun...wala na tayong pag-asang bumangon pa sa ating kinalalagyan.
kung puro hirap lang ang iniisip mo...hindi parin kumpleto ang karanasan mo sa buhay...kasi ang pagiging buhay ay pinagsamang gawa ng masaya at malungkot na mga pangyayari.
lagi mo dapat isipin kung ano ang magpapasaya sa iyo. para di ka nang tawaging emo...=))
at, sa katotohanan...ang buong post na ito ay parang ginawa ko lang para sa aking sarili...na parang mas sinasabi ko ito sa aking emo na katauhan ngayun, kaysa mga makakabasa nito =p
it's like i'm trying to say these things to myself....
ay wait....diba ang mga kumakausap sa sarili...
....nasisiraan ng bait??? XD
upang maging ganap na tao, bukas ka dapat sa lahat ng emosyon...
kailangan bukas ka sa kasiyahan, kalungkutan, sa tuwa, sa sakit, sa tawa, sa luha...
pano kung laging luha, sakit, kalungkutan, poot, galit, pagsisisi at pagdurusa ang nararamdaman mo?
sabi nila, emo daw yun.
eh ang emo diba emotional in short?
sila'y mga taong nagpapadala lang sa alon ng kanilang emosyon
kung tutuusin, ang ginagawa nila ay alinsunod sa aking prinsipyo ng pagiging ganap na tao
eh di, bakit napakarami sa atin (kabilang na ako diyan...) ang ikinamumuhi sila? kung sila'y nagpapakatao lamang?
siguro kasi...sila hindi sila takot magpakita ng emosyon...tayo ang takot...kaya natin sila inilalabas sa lipunan...kasi hindi sila gumagaya satin na takot. malay mo, lahat pala ng nangaasar sa mga emo ay emo rin pala sa likod ng mga saradong pintuan.
pero di ko rin sinasabi na tama ang mga gawain ng mga sinasabing emo...
may kulang kasi sa ginagawa nila.
sa pagtanggap nila sa mga emosyon ng galit, sakit, lungkot at kung ano pa man, na tunay nga namang kagimbal-gimbal...nalimutan na nilang tanggapin ang mga emosyon ng kasiyahan, kagalakan at yung mga ganoong bagay...
sa kahit anong hirap ng sitwasyon...dapat hindi natin limutin kung pano sumaya...kasi kung malilimutan natin yun...wala na tayong pag-asang bumangon pa sa ating kinalalagyan.
kung puro hirap lang ang iniisip mo...hindi parin kumpleto ang karanasan mo sa buhay...kasi ang pagiging buhay ay pinagsamang gawa ng masaya at malungkot na mga pangyayari.
lagi mo dapat isipin kung ano ang magpapasaya sa iyo. para di ka nang tawaging emo...=))
at, sa katotohanan...ang buong post na ito ay parang ginawa ko lang para sa aking sarili...na parang mas sinasabi ko ito sa aking emo na katauhan ngayun, kaysa mga makakabasa nito =p
it's like i'm trying to say these things to myself....
ay wait....diba ang mga kumakausap sa sarili...
....nasisiraan ng bait??? XD
Ito na siguro ang pinaka malupit na banat kong emo! whahahahaha >=)
Kahit ano pang sabihin ng iba, masakit pa rin mawalan ng isang kaibigan.....
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lalo na't kung minahal mo siya ng di niya nalalaman...
crap, ang emo ko...=))
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lalo na't kung minahal mo siya ng di niya nalalaman...
crap, ang emo ko...=))
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I should do this next saturday...
maybe one day, you'd write something like this on your journal...if you ever had any...or probably you'd have some sort of memory that goes something like this...if i ever do this at all...
something strange caught my eye as i went out of the house today. on our gate hung a peculiar paper bag. it was no ordinary paper bad, mind you. i gave it a better look as i took it inside the living room. it was brown and had the classic carton texture of those high-end stores. it was no wonder i guess; the front bore the familiar logo of starbucks coffee. this caused to further my bewilderment. "who would send me something from starbucks even though i never drink at the place", i thought. as i looked inside, there was some lumpy thing obscured by more brown paper (probably to enhance that classy atmosphere, though i consider it to be useless trash). i was even more curious now. clearing away all that paper revealed two things: a starbucks mug, and an empty starbucks plastic cup with a rolled-up green piece of paper sticking out like a straw.
i was confounded to no end. was this a prank? an advertisment? a free product sample? in truth, i knew it was none of those...but what was it exactly? what was even more confusing was that the empty starbucks cup had a name on it...like how those barristers would write your name on he cup of coffee you ordered...this cup....it had MY name on it. this didn't help my ever-growing confusion. the last part in the puzzle was that green paper...so with bated breath, i took it out and read it. it was...a printed letter...a...christmas letter....
"Dear gi,
merry christmas! sorry for the late gift...well better save the best for last huh? haha! lemme tell you why my gift is like this...you see...there was only ever one person that i ever treated at starbucks...remember that time we wentto the movies? it was your first time at starbucks too wasn't it? haha! well...from then on...starbucks became something sentimental for me...cuz i remember you everytime i go there...=) merry christmas again!"
geez...it's like...what...the end of february now? the letter was from a former friend of mine...a friend i haven't seen for like....two months or something...so...now i get it...this starbucks mug is a sentimental memoir, and this empty plastic cup is something to add to the "moment". sigh...i wonder..why didn't that friend come over to give it personally? was he mad at me or something? how could he? i didn't do anything to him...let aone talk to him for the past months...well, he still gave me this present right? so he cant be anry at me...then why---
ah! i didn't notice that there. when i unfolded that green piece of paper, a smaller white one fell on the floor. it was another letter, albeit a much shorter one. it was pretty recent too. the paper was smooth compared to the christmas letter, but it had tear marks on the side...as if it was just torn from a notebook. the letter itself was hand-written, and the ink was splotched on this one spot that looked like a droplet of water fell there.
the letter reads...
I'm sorry I loved you.
I hope you'll forgive...
and forget.
-mikko
yeah, i know you don't talk like that...or write like that...you were never that good in english anyway...you were more of that, logic person...but then, i like to pretend that you are as i imagined here. at least... our story looks like a movie then...
everything always looks better when you take it for something it never was.
i took us as something special.
something strange caught my eye as i went out of the house today. on our gate hung a peculiar paper bag. it was no ordinary paper bad, mind you. i gave it a better look as i took it inside the living room. it was brown and had the classic carton texture of those high-end stores. it was no wonder i guess; the front bore the familiar logo of starbucks coffee. this caused to further my bewilderment. "who would send me something from starbucks even though i never drink at the place", i thought. as i looked inside, there was some lumpy thing obscured by more brown paper (probably to enhance that classy atmosphere, though i consider it to be useless trash). i was even more curious now. clearing away all that paper revealed two things: a starbucks mug, and an empty starbucks plastic cup with a rolled-up green piece of paper sticking out like a straw.
i was confounded to no end. was this a prank? an advertisment? a free product sample? in truth, i knew it was none of those...but what was it exactly? what was even more confusing was that the empty starbucks cup had a name on it...like how those barristers would write your name on he cup of coffee you ordered...this cup....it had MY name on it. this didn't help my ever-growing confusion. the last part in the puzzle was that green paper...so with bated breath, i took it out and read it. it was...a printed letter...a...christmas letter....
"Dear gi,
merry christmas! sorry for the late gift...well better save the best for last huh? haha! lemme tell you why my gift is like this...you see...there was only ever one person that i ever treated at starbucks...remember that time we wentto the movies? it was your first time at starbucks too wasn't it? haha! well...from then on...starbucks became something sentimental for me...cuz i remember you everytime i go there...=) merry christmas again!"
geez...it's like...what...the end of february now? the letter was from a former friend of mine...a friend i haven't seen for like....two months or something...so...now i get it...this starbucks mug is a sentimental memoir, and this empty plastic cup is something to add to the "moment". sigh...i wonder..why didn't that friend come over to give it personally? was he mad at me or something? how could he? i didn't do anything to him...let aone talk to him for the past months...well, he still gave me this present right? so he cant be anry at me...then why---
ah! i didn't notice that there. when i unfolded that green piece of paper, a smaller white one fell on the floor. it was another letter, albeit a much shorter one. it was pretty recent too. the paper was smooth compared to the christmas letter, but it had tear marks on the side...as if it was just torn from a notebook. the letter itself was hand-written, and the ink was splotched on this one spot that looked like a droplet of water fell there.
the letter reads...
I'm sorry I loved you.
I hope you'll forgive...
and forget.
-mikko
yeah, i know you don't talk like that...or write like that...you were never that good in english anyway...you were more of that, logic person...but then, i like to pretend that you are as i imagined here. at least... our story looks like a movie then...
everything always looks better when you take it for something it never was.
i took us as something special.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
To be a good writer you have to be.........(quote)
someone once told me that..........
to be a good writer,
you should live in worlds that don't exist,
accomplish feats that no one else can understand
and believe that nothing but everything is impossibly possible...
---and to think that its all just fancy bullshit for saying 'use your damn imagination'----
to be a good writer,
you should live in worlds that don't exist,
accomplish feats that no one else can understand
and believe that nothing but everything is impossibly possible...
---and to think that its all just fancy bullshit for saying 'use your damn imagination'----
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
A tribute to the past. (Nakakadrawing na ako!!!)
The past gave such wonderful things.
.............. all wonderful things must come to an end.
even so, these wonderful things will forever dwell in my heart.
because I'll always remember, and I'll never forget.
.............. all wonderful things must come to an end.
even so, these wonderful things will forever dwell in my heart.
because I'll always remember, and I'll never forget.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Natutunan ko sa chess set ni bob ong.
Totoo pa lang natututo ka sa paglalaro ng chess!
natuto akong himasin ang aking baba.
kung tutuusin, lahat ng matatalino, may balbas man o wala, ay laging hinihimas ang kanilang baba
tignan mo naman ang pose ni ninoy! astig tignan diba? at matalino pa siya!
ang mga humihimas ng kanilang baba ay matalino at astig.
at masarap himasin ang sariling baba....
...kahit tatlong galaw na lang ay mate ka na.
eh ano kung bob ong tao ako? hinihimas ko naman ang baba ko! ha!
(adapted from bob ong)
natuto akong himasin ang aking baba.
kung tutuusin, lahat ng matatalino, may balbas man o wala, ay laging hinihimas ang kanilang baba
tignan mo naman ang pose ni ninoy! astig tignan diba? at matalino pa siya!
ang mga humihimas ng kanilang baba ay matalino at astig.
at masarap himasin ang sariling baba....
...kahit tatlong galaw na lang ay mate ka na.
eh ano kung bob ong tao ako? hinihimas ko naman ang baba ko! ha!
(adapted from bob ong)
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