The Many Symbolisms of Life (continued)

Remember when I said i view almost everything in my life as symbolic? well, here's another even more absurd example.

From my early childhood until now, I have an insane fear of cockroaches. You would too if a big one crawled up your face when you were five...anyway, since i have this phobia, I stay away from them as much as i can. Seeing one can make me scream like a madman, while sometimes, if nobody's willing to kill the damn thing, i can break down and sob incoherently like a little boy. Yes that has happened. Needless to say, I'm afraid of even seeing a cockroach, let alone trying to kill one.

there have been two very special exceptions though. Those two times, I actually attempted to kill the cockroch present. The first time, i was in my best friend Gino's house. we were playing chess, when I suddenly felt those all-too-familar and dreaded hairy insect legs climbing up my own. There it was, my mortal arch-nemesis, big, fat, with moving antenna things. I guess, i didn't have space for though then, i could hardly think at all. what i did was swat it away from my leg, grab the nearest slipper and whack at the infernal pest. i was rewarded with a resounding crunchy sound. Of course i didn't lift the slipper up anymore, or touch it for that matter. What was amazing, as that I actually made a move to kill the cockroach, instead of screaming like a deranged drunkard.

The second special case, i was in my other best friend Yna's house. we were watching a movie when my eyes caught something moving to my right. right there on the floor, was a cockroach. i instantly got out of my seat, which was one of those cushion floor seats that had a metal base on the floor instead of legs. In another moment, I lifted the chair, and in a pose worthy of hercules (though without the physique) i slammed the chair on the cockroach. sure, i let out a gasp of surprise when i saw it, but the amazing thing was, i still did something to try to kill the effin roach. the only second time i have ever done so. (we later found the roach alive, though a bit dazed. hey...at least i TRIED to kill it...gimme some credit...)

the way i interpret it, the cockroaches symbolize obstacles, challenges and in a more literal sense, fears in my life. That I conquered them, or tried to do so, only in two occassions, both in the houses of my best friends, might mean something too. it could mean that it is only through the support and presence of my friends i can conquer these obstacles, in short, my friends, and my love for them, give me the strength i need to overcome cokroaches...erm...i meant challenges.

did i kill those cockroaches to impress them? to look brave and macho and stuff? no. they know i fear cockroaches. and besides, i'm not that shallow. the fact that a disgusting foul pest as a cockroaches could mean something profound to me is enough proof for that.

of course, that still doesn't mean i've gotten over my phobia for roaches.

I still hate them >=D