thinking about my future while taking a shower

I AM A PERSON OF IRONY
MY LEFT HAND, HOLDS GREAT LOVE, KINDNESS AND FAITH
WHILE MY RIGHT IS A PROUD POWER-HUNGRY SNAKE
WHEN IT COMES THAT I SHOULD BE A MAN OF THE WORLD
WILL I BE A MAN OF GOOD
OR ONE WHOSE PRIDE CONSUMED...?

all i ever wanted was to be needed
all i ever wanted was to feel loved
to feel like...i mattered...

di mo naman mababasa ito, kaya ayus lang na ilagay ko d2...

nakakatawa...ikaw nga nagsabi sakin tungkol sa party
tapos, in the end, ikaw pala yung di aatend...

sabi ko sayo na pupunta lang ako kung kasama kita
pero bakit napunta ako dun nang mag-isa?

sabi mo susunod ka, kaya hinintay kita
ako'y naghintay sa wala

di mabilang na text ang ipinadala ko
ang kaisa-isang reply, "i'm sorry, i can't go"

laking tuwa ko sa pag imbita mo...kasi akala ko kasama ka
kaya ko lang talaga gustong pumunta, kasi akala ko makikita kita

kung alam mo lang sana.... masaya ako pag kasama kita
pinaasa mo ako, at ito'y humantong sa wala...

tol...isang malaking OUCH yun...
di ko lang talaga kayang sabihin sa mukha mo...

sana sinabi mo na lang, isang diretsong "ayaw ko"
kaysa sabihing "itatry ko" sa paayaw na tono

sana ganun nalang Gi...isang simpleng pagsabi ng diretsong katotohanan na walang paliguy-ligoy...

para di na lang ako umasa pa...

Something funny that happened in NSTP

Prof: ok class, for our human rights exposure activity, we are going to donate soap to Manila City Jail. it's ok if you only buy cheap soap.






Mikko: sir, pwede po yung surf?









prof: O_O....so much for human rights, mr. guioguio...


Mikko: whut?! did i say something wrong?

Prof: (slaps forehead)

ANG AKING DAHILAN SA PAGPUPUYAT

insomniac nga ako.

habang gising pa ako...iaalay ko ang aking pagpupuyat sa mga sumusunod:

1. sa Diyos, na may awa pang buhayin ako sa susunod na araw

2. sa mga gumawa ng Dose, lalo na yung director at yung gumanap bilang baklang batang lalaki, si Fritz Chavez. matapang ka 'tol!

3. sa mga gagong holdapper sa bus na nasa likod ko lang pala kaninang pauwi

4. sa mga nagbebenta ng tickets sa pelikula na may tiyaga pang tanungin kung 18 yrs old ka na ba talaga.

5. sa mga assignment na dapat ay tunay na rason kung bakit ako puyat pero sa school ko rin ginagawa

6. sa mga classmate na akala ay lagi akong busy kaya puyat, pero hindi nila alam ang tunay na rason

7. sa hindi mabilang na mga gabi kung saan dapat ay maaga ako nakatulog pero napuyat ng husto dahil sa porn at psp (na tunay na rason din kung bakit ako lagi puyat)

8. sa aking katawan na kahit inaabuso ko ay tumatakbo parin

9. sa ps3 na hindi ko na makukuha dahil gastador ako

10. sa aking mga kaibigan na natitiis pa ako

11. sa mga bus na weirdo yung upuan kung saan tinutulak yung ulo mo para di ka makasandal at makatulog

12. sa lahat ng walang magawa na binasa ang mga blog ko dahil baka na-curious sila sa title.

BOW. TAPOS NA PO. GOODMORNYT =))

alas DOSE ng gabi

Alas Dose na ng gabi

Bakit pa ako nagsusulat? dahil kung di ko ito gawin ngayon, mababaon na ang aking alaala sa limot.

Nanood ako ngayon ng dalawang indie film: UPCAT at Dose

Maganda ang naging simula ng UPCAT, ngunit nahulog ang plot nang tumungo na sa dulo. baka nga mas maganda pa ang aking maisulat kung ako yung manunulat sa likod ng pelikula. baka lang...

Magandang pelikula ang Dose. magandang estilo. magandang istorya. magaling na pag arte. oo, nagustuhan ko ang Dose dahil sa mga bagay na ito, at hindi lamang dahil tunkol sa homoseksualidad ng isang batang lalaki ang tema. gagawa ako ng maayos na review kung di lang ako inaantok. sa sobrang hanga ko sa pelikulang ito, gusto ko rin gamitin ang mga estilong ipinakita dito.

ito lang ang aking ikinabahala sa panunood nito:
1. R-18 yung rating...duh...kaya muntik na mapadulas ang dila ko sa cashier nung tinanong kung 18 na ako. mahirap magsinungaling.

2. bakit siya R-18? Sex Seks Seks. Sex sa babae, Sex sa lalaki, sex sa sarili, Sex na kita yung tamod, sex sa bata, sex sa... may edad. pero hindi ito porno. srsly. sila ay nagsex sa isang masining na paraan. at hindi ko ibig sabihin na creative sila sa positions. (having sex on a swing is quite creative in my opinion though, especially in how it was portrayed.).

3. when a boy asks a man "do you love me?", i think answering "yes, i do" or something would be more appropriate than cornholing him on the spot. (or the swings, as the case may be, while both standing up). but, it was...more spontaneous, more dramatic, more...perfect. i like it. XD

4. it was quite disconcerting that the whole cinema had a big audience though it was an indie film, what made it disturbing was that almost all of the audience were guys. almost all of whom came in pairs. i even heard one guy talking to his seatmate, "ang swerte nga ng batang yan.." [referring to the lead 12 year old boy who has a man for a lover]. i know, this is kinda hypocritical of me...but...my gaydar can break too you know...and with all those men, who i think were gay...you can't help but feel nervous. i wouldn't watch this movie alone. good thing may kasama ako....at ang kasama ko ay...

5. most disturbing of all: I WATCHED DOSE WITH MY MOM. MY CATHOLIC CONSERVATIVE MOM. Yes it is awkward sitting next to your mom while watching a movie with numerous scenes of sex, sex, gayness, sex, and more sex. and art. the cool thing was, she liked it too. and the best thing was, my cover wasn't blown. XD

(we all clapped at the end of the movie, wala lang..it was cool)

A clear sign of aging

there are times when nothing interesting happens
and so i forget

there are times something interesting happens,
and still i forget

there are times i get the best ideas of my life
two hours of neglecting my thoughts, and i forget

there are times i consider the happiest i've had
a day later, mundane monotony makes me forget

i promised i'll always remember and never forget.
should it break, will i remember to regret it?

from now on, i'll write my life as it happens
lest i forget my life ever happened at all.

that, and my mom will start buying me memoplus.

To be better than your parents...(a random dialog i made up out of randomness)

boy1: I want to be better than my parents. I'll strive to best

them in the things they do.

boy2: why would you want that?

boy1: because, i want to be the best kind of son they could

possibly have. the perfect son.

boy2: you think competing with them is the way to do it?

boy 1: yes. wouldn't you like it too, if your son, took you

and your wife's greatest skills, assests, abilities, values

and morals, and made it better than what you have? i will be

the best of what my parents are. that way, i will be the

perfection of the things that make them proud to be

themselves. i will be better than them. even though it is

impossible...

boy2: impossible...? why so?

boy1: tell me my friend, how could you ever best the woman,

who carried you in her womb, while loving and caring for

something she has yet to know? how can you top her infinite

patience in putting you to sleep and holding you in her arms,

smiling even though you're really a burden to her normal

living? how can i ever beat the man who's wisdom and love made

you to be? whose undying perseverance to work and provide you

with life and future gave him deep lines across his face, with

much sweat and blood? can you overcome him, who laughs with

you and teaches you life while braving all manner of

unpleasantries in the world of money and vice?

boy2: ...

boy1: the fact that you and i still live speaks of our

parents' greatness. i ask you my friend, can you ever be

better than the very people who made you to be as great as you

are, or will be? i know of no such possibility.

boy2: then why say that you want to be greater than them

though it is but mere folly?

boy1: in trying to be the best of what they are, i would be

the fulfillment of their lives. i want to give them cause for

pride. in trying to best them, i would have at least repaid in

some small manner the great sacrifice that made me. i owe them

as much....

MY BRAIN HAS TURNED TO MUSH

I WAS ONCE A TREEHOUSE
I LIVED IN A CAKE
BUT I NEVER SAW THE WAY
THE ORANGE SLAYED THE RAKE
I WAS ONLY THREE YEARS DEAD
BUT IT TOLD A TALE
AND NOW LISTEN LITTLE CHILD
TO THE SAFETY RAIL

Liham na di dapat mabasa

paano ba ako hihingi ng kapatawaran?
tignan niyo, nagkasala ako, aking mga magulang
binastos ko kayo ng harap-harapan,
ako'y nagkasala lingid sa inyong kaalaman

mahirap nga ang aking ginawa
nagbuhos ako ng aking damdamin
ngunit sa gitna ng tunay ay may kasinungalingan
pinaglaruan ko ang inyong isipan

sa bawat katotohanan na aking sinabi
ito'y panakip butas sa tunay kong nais
pampadali sa kunwaring pagsalaysay
samu't-saring kwento na sa tunay ay taliwas

sa mukha ninyo aking pinalabas
isang napakalaking kasinungalingan
habang tinatakpan ng totoong salita
patawad! patawad! sa aking ginawa!

hindi niyo man namalayan itong pagtaksil
bigat ng loob sa aki'y pumipigil
kagagawan ko rin naman ang dahilan
para ako'y gumawa ng kasinungalingan

anong klaseng anak ba ako para ito'y matiis?
pinapaikot ang isip ng kanyang mga magulang!
sumpain man ako ng Diyos mismo!
mapapatawad niyo ba ako sa aking nagawa?!

hindi ko sinusubukang magtula
ayaw ko lang ng diretsong salita
ito'y simpleng liham sa aking mga magulang
liham na kailan man, di nila masisilayan

Three things that bother me.

1st thing:

The foundation of all relationships is trust. But the thing is, it's really hard to give someone your complete unfaltering trust. what happens when this trust is seemingly broken? it's hard to give back, if i could even consider the thought...it's true that i'm too trusting, but only because i want people to trust me back. i want to show them i'm dependable and worth being with. when you take my trust for granted though....things fall apart.

i don't know if it's all just an honest mistake...an error in communication...but if that were the reason, it would be a very weak reason indeed. all i can say is...i don't think, i can give you guys my trust, the same way i did back then.

when i meet new people, i tend to give them every ounce of my trustworthiness. i guess this time, i might have made a mistake.


2nd thing:

For the past sembreak, i've adopted a new motto. "walang umaga ang aking mga araw". this is solely because paggising ko, hapon na. at kapag sinusubukan kong matulog bago mag 1 am, hindi parin ako makatulog hangga't hindi 3 am...i am now officially insomniac.


3rd thing:

Paano mo kakausapin ang isang taong sinira ang iyong tiwala? Paano mo sasabihin sa kanya na hindi maganda ang kanyang ginagawa at inaasal? Paano mo maipaparating ang iyong nais sa isang taong sarado ang isipan? Anong makabuluhang bagay ang maaari mong sabihin sa taong iyon sa paraang hindi mapangutya? Kakayanin ko bang isantabi ang lumalagablab na damdaming akin ikinukubli habang makikiusap nang mahinahon? Paano ko maitutupad ang aking pangakong tumulong, kung wala na sa akin ang karapatang mangialam?

A mid-sembreak's night dream

We watched SDS do a dry run of their play a while ago....grabe, idol sila, super effort. maganda kinalabasan talaga. napakaganda rin ng props at costumes. With a little improvement, the voice acting would be stellar.


And watching the play also gave me an opportunity to see my SDS friends, not to mention opportunities for stalkingseeing some other friends.


A lot of us former ZDN watched SDS. it was a mixture of nostalgia and pride for those guys. All hail ms nanette. You will forever rock our hearts. And we miss the times when you cuss at us!! :))


after that, a small reunion with ZDN. whoa...some of you guys look so different now...parang pang college talaga...hehe. I’m still hoping to improve in the height department...


SDS's play inspired me to try and write about this day in a very different way







The good old days are only worth remembering because of the wonderful people that made those old days so good...-the reason why I won't leave or ever forget.





While I thought myself too bothered to pay heed to the world, while feigning importance through idle nonsense and self gratification behind closed doors and secret rooms.....



It dawned to me, a startling reflection. For all the freedom one may have, such an empty one it is without others to be free with.



Some unseen power gave me a time most opportune. a chance to once again walk along those clandestine halls, to meet with great masters of old, and to spark anew that great flame of friendship dimmed by distance.



And so on that day I walked. I had a dream.



I walked along a forest I went to as a child. Those towering trees to whom I owe a childish fear, seemed to me as welcome guides to my memory. To whom I now owe deep gratitude, for all they have given me.



Creatures great and fantastic caught my eye, though no stranger they are to me, for to them I have given my heart.



Glimmering wings and voices of sheer gaiety met my way. As they danced to grandiose melodies, I bowed and knelt to these fairies of heart, to whom I owe my life and my love. I watched silently as they danced and sang to their heart's content, reliving in me those great memories of our time. We too partook in the merry dances the fairies do. with our song and step, our pride and joy was profound, there we once stood, in that mystical land of fairies, where now I am but an audience to its greatness, though no less proud.



I stood up. Crisp leaves of autumn were trampled underfoot, and before my eyes was the castle hall, as though it had waited for my return all this time. Amidst emerald curtains yielding to the wind's pace, and the majesty of that crimson carpet, there was the host of those magical fairies, smiling and beckoning to me, Ascending that fateful staircase, we were all among the presence of the fantastic. On that fateful moment, we were wed, to our memories, to our friends, to our happiness.





If I have hurt you in ways I may not have noticed, just think of it this way my friends—all of this is fairly a dream. In dreams, we see visions far from anything possible—which makes it all the more special and important. We only really see how to be happy in dreams...then I implore you my friends, to live your dreams.

A hint

kapag napapansin mong di ako namamansin...
kung sa tingin mo'y di na ako nagpaparamdam
kung iniisip mo'y nilimot ko ang aking iniwanan
at kasama na ang mga pinagsamahan

mali ka diyan


kahit hindi ako namamansin
o kaya'y nakikipag kwentuhan
ako'y palagi paring nagpaparamdam

paano?


tignan mo na lang sa ym
ang mga stat natin
at minsa'y iyong mapapansin
na kung ano ang stat ko
may kinalaman sa stat mo


kahit di sa kwentuhan
o gayundin sa batian
makikita mo parin
inaalala kita kahit di ko sabihin


It's my own subtle way of saying, "I still care, and I won't forget..."
without having to tell you directly
in a manner that might sound cheesey
so better that it's silent yet meant lovingly

The only thing I have

I...I remember, and I'll never forget...

...I won't forget anything...and anyone...

...who helped me find...my reason in living...


To all of you...important people in my heart....

I owe you all, my last and only real motivation in trying

the only reason I still work hard...

my only reason for persevering...

thank you...for teaching me that...

I remember, and I'll never forget...

The Difference Between Heaven and Hell...(from kuya Ryan)

A holy man was having a conversation
with the Lord one day and said.

'Lord, I would like to know what
Heaven and Hell are like.


The Lord led the holy man to two
doors.


He opened one of the doors and the
holy man looked in. In the middle of
the room was a large round table. In
the middle of the table was a large pot
of stew, which smelled delicious and
made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table
were thin and sickly. They appeared to
be famished. They were holding
spoons with very long handles that
were strapped to their arms and each
found it possible to reach into the pot
of stew and take a spoonful.

But because the handle was longer
than their arms, they could not get the
spoons back into their mouths.

The holy man shuddered at the sight
of their misery and suffering.

The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell.


They went to the next room and
opened the door. It was exactly the
same as the first one. There was the
large round table with the large pot of
stew which made the holy man's mouth
water. The people were equipped with
the same long-handled spoons, but here
the people were well nourished and
plump, laughing and talking. The holy
man said, 'I don't understand.'

'It is simple,' said the Lord.

'It requires but one skill. You see
they have learned to feed each
other, while the greedy think only
of themselves.'

When Jesus died on the cross, He was
thinking of you.

ang psalmo ng isang estudiyante

Question: Ang Panginoon ang aking tanglaw,
sa panganib, ako'y iingatan
kanino ako masisindak, matatakot
kung ako'y laging nasa piling Niya....(Psalmo 27)



Answer: sa math...

Ang kwento ng isang pari tungkol sa charity

Mayroon isang cruise liner na tinamaan ng isang malakas na alon at bumunggo sa isang ice berg. lulubog na yung barko. lahat ng tao ay tumakbo sa mga life boat at lumikas, ngunit lahat ng mga ito ay lumubog rin. mayroon na lang isang lifeboat natira na may lugar para sa sampung pasahero. ang problema ay may labin tatlong pasahero ang sumakay dito.

may kailangang tatlo ang tumalon upang hindi lumubog ang life boat

Sabi ng Kastilang kasama nila "Viva espanya!" at sabay tumalon sa barko.

Nagsakripisyo siya ng kanyang buhay para sa kanila, ngunit may dalawa pang kailangan mag sakripisyo.

Bigla namang tumayo ang Amerikanong kasama nila at sinabing, "Long live America!!" at sabay tumalon sa tubig.

May isa pang kailangan tumalon para sila'y maligtas.

Bigla namang tumayo ang Pilipinong kasama nila at sinabing " Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!" at sabay tinulak sa tubig ang katabi niyang Hapon.

naligtas ang mga sakay ng lifeboat....

The Love Emo

The Love Emo....

He is unlike all the other emos, in that his only distress is heartache

He hates no one but himself for being too weak to create or maintain a relationship

He further intensifies his suffering not by inflicting physical pain, but by listening and singing sappy love songs

He thinks that every song about heartbreak applies to him

He may also occasionaly write sappy heart break poems or write random thoughts about heart break that he posts on the internet

He does not wear black, or any other themed clothing/accesories, rather, he writes the name of his love on his various posessions (on visors/caps, shoes, notebooks, calculators, skin, etc.)

He will try to find other love emos to be with so that he will have an audience to his stories of heartbreak, if there are none, he will pesterhis non love emo friends, regardless if they listen or not.

He does not usually resort to suicide, but if he ever does, his choice of suicide would not be the quick and easy slash the wrist cliche, rather, he will resort to the slow but sure death by Manila smoked breaded fried street isaw. (available at various Manila stretcorners for P10 a stick. Guaranteed to lose three minutes of your life per serving.)

-According to the self experience original field research by Geronimo M.

Mikko Digests...

I Digest so slow...that's why I'm so fat....dammit...in the same way that i'm so slow in updating this multiply site....

i have to stop the repetitive redundancies of not having the capability to be capable of deciding on a decision about the matters in the issues of my life....

I long to see my angel...the angel who always gives me hope, happiness and love...but I only get to see that angel in my dreams...while in reality, next to impossible to reach...a burning passion left unrequited tortures both mind and body...burning your fortitude, your strength...your self...and yet I don't want it to end...I want this...I want to feel this. If anything, this proves my love . Still i long for my angel...an angel that seems to high in heaven to reach.

i keep giving my all...all my love...all my ability...all my life...until i run out of it all and shrivel up...but what if i already am shriveled up and dry...? ...

i don't think i am...maybe because the very thing that drains me is what sustains me.

all i wanted was to know how it feels like...to have someone close to your heart, and who keeps you close to his in turn. Not such a far fetched hope...though fleeting...

This is not such a good year for love....

a series of unfortunate happenings

to start it all off, i've recently, (no wait, not really recently, this happened about a month ago but i was too lazy to blog about it...) became a member of the "I got my cellphone stolen during my early college days club"

A devastating loss...i mean, i know my cp is really old, doesn't support media, doesn't have a cam, and is held together by scotch tape, but...i loved that phone...it's been with me for ages...

what i really miss, is my inbox, cuz i only ever keep the most dramatic and sweet messages i receive....i'm a sentimental guy you see...

oh well.. rest in peace, dearest inbox, er, phone..mamatay sana yung nag snatch sayo...

i have a new, very un userfriendly phone now...still getting used to it...in any case, the number is 09275031313 pa reply sa comments nlng mga number niyo =D


yeah...tinatamad ako mag drawing.....[IMG]http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii225/seton_notes/grave.jpg[/IMG]








***************


my prof in spanish got really angry just because i called her "miss" instead of "senorita"

in fact, she got so angry, she bitched at our whole class...

tama ba yung pagalitan yung buong class dahil lang sinabihan ko siya ng miss?

sign of respect nga yun eh...

apparently sa kanya hindi pala, nababastos pala siya dun...at sabi pa niya, (patama sakin) na kung galing daw sa private school, iba na daw sa college at kung gusto daw ay bumalik nlng dun sa dati mong school

bitchy....i never liked her afterwards.....especially bacause dinamay pa niya yung buong class eh ako naman yung nagkaproblema sa kanya....

*********

i just recently finished a report we were assigned in philo. i did my effing best and hardest to decipher the effin hard to understand words in the effin giangantic book into simple laymans terms for the poerpoint. i cut my sleep to two hours on the two nights i worked on this ppt.

then i find out that my groupmate made a ppt of his own for the first part...so i didn't get to use my ppt anyway...T_T

then when it was my part of the report, i thought i aced it already because of my leet symplification...but then prof starts to say that what i'm saying is wrong....but dude, that was what was on the book...

so then i tried not to simplify and tell him what was exactly written in the book, but then he still says it's wrong! WTF? he's saying that i was wrong even though i'm just telling him what the effin book was saying? eh bakit pinagawa pa niyang reference yun kung babarahin lang niya?! dammit...

Reminders for the next week

Quiz in Philo about fallacies

practical in span-memorize lines

read essay in histo


Non-aca:

Birthday ni Nicole =D

Nawalan ng cel si Mikko kaya huwah niyo na itext...

yung fil program na sinasabi ni prof gavino (kung sinong may suggestions paki post d2)

A letter to a friend in Quezon City

Dearest Geronimo,

What’s up eh? Does it seem strange to you that I used that name? I still remember back then when we made “Geronimo Martinez” out of your name…you remember that I used it as my pseudonym ever since right? Maybe I haven’t told you that every time I use it, I always remember the times we were together. But then, that goes without saying I guess…hehe…

How long has it been? Three months, since we last saw each other? There wasn’t even school yet when you left. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. That doesn’t matter though. I know that you felt it at least, my tidings of good luck...goodbyes are painful anyway, so it was best we didn’t. You know I’ve always told you I’m with you right? Even when we’re miles apart, I want you to feel I’m there for you. If my dozens of unanswered texts weren’t enough to show you that, at least know that you’re always in my prayers =).

So…how’s life been with you huh? It’s been a long time since I heard from you. Tell some stories sometime alright? Well, I can tell you this: my first forays into college life were pretty unexpected!

It’s amazing, really. I thought college would be a pain in the ass. A headache too, since they say UP is a mental boot camp, and you know how I hated CAT military training in high school….but as it turns out, it’s really fun. College was the most liberating thing that happened to my life. I can wear what I want now (It’s shorts everyday for me! You know how I hate pants, especially the uniform back in high school…)! I also commute to school everyday on a bus. What’s more, we eat almost everyday at the nearby Robinson’s mall (we fondly call it UP Annex because UP-M students frequent it as much as their classrooms, hehe)! That’s why everyday I go to school, I feel like I’m in one of our gimmicks (as with our gimmicks, I also tend to overspend at lunch…^_^’).

You know with gimmicks, you always gotta be with friends right? Well, I was really amazed at how fast I made friends here. Even from the first week, we already have our own “barkada” in the block. We’re always together, at lunch, at school, and always willing to lend each other a hand. I guess that’s one common thing we share: we’re all willing to help each other. Maybe that’s why we get along so well. Diversity of culture is irrelevant when you have the same values it seems…

Academics here are still in a level I can cope with. Nothing particularly hard yet. The teachers are just great. Though I can complain about some, I’d rather think about the good teachers we have. Because of them, I’m loving Comm I and surprisingly, Math. Math was never my thing. But if it were you, well, you were always good in math, you complement my skills after all (wow, I just used a math term, hehe). Philo is just a fancy term of complicating your life it seems, and Spanish is colonizing my sanity…

Suffice to say, I’m enjoying my college life at the moment. I’d love to from you too. Maybe you can also write a letter? Hehe.

There’s something I wanna say that can only be said in this letter though….As much as I like college, there will always be something missing. There will always be that special place in me that’s left empty. It’s got your name in it.

I hope you’ve taken your time in reading this letter through, it took me a while to write this much with so much of what I want to say left unsaid. I’ll look forwatd to the day we meet again, or at least, the day when you read this. I wish you well in your studies my friend…take care always =)

-Mikko

p.s. It goes without being said that “good luck” implies “I love you” don’t you think? hehe

A short story on the theme: Youth adapting to change in society

In case this doesn't meet the deadline for publishing, I'll just post it here. It's very long, since I slept at 4:30 am for this and stuff....hehe...only read it if you're bored, cuz, it's really long...2000+ words O_o

(there's accompanying music... XD)

Who’s prepared to change?

By: Haring Agosto

and Geronimo Martinez

We thought it was just another ordinary year. We thought it was so, even when he came as the newest addition to our class that year. As is on every first day, hardly anyone talked to anyone. We were shuffled into different sections every year. Though we would meet new people, there was always that something that stayed the same. I couldn’t really say what it was back then. Like an unwritten rule; it’s the way how we act. But then, like I said, this new kid comes. Right there and then I’m sure all of us felt it. We felt his difference.

He sat quiet like on a desk as all of us did, except, he had this thing in his eyes, a sort of enthusiasm. Well, we can’t blame him, he’s a new guy. He’ll be under our routine soon enough. He was just as tall as any of our boys, and a body I bet was okay with PE. He had glasses, but like I said, he wasn’t the nerd type who’d skip a run on the field. I guess he was normal, but so much unlike any of us; he had the look of excitement, as if he was waiting for something grand to happen. There’s nothing to marvel at here, ‘cept maybe the canteen price to oil price ratio…but we were used to that.

“Since, we’re all new here, why don’t we introduce ourselves?” says the new teacher. This is such a useless thing to do. No one would remember what your name was in just one sitting anyway, especially when you say it like we did, introducing our unremarkable names in a deadpan tone.

“I’m Lawrence, but you can call me Renzy” I said as if anyone would listen. Nobody was, actually; they were all doing their own thing. Then it was new kid’s turn. When he spoke up, everybody turned to look. See, there was really something different ‘bout him…

“Hi everyone! I’m Michael Collins, from Britain! You can call me Michael if you like.” I guess the new kid—or Michael I should say, had a bit too much cheerio for my liking. I was irritated at any rate. I don’t really get why though.

Introductions and boring talk aside, we were finally let alone for lunch. As my luck would have it, Michael approached me just as I was leaving to go with my friends from the other sections.

“Hey, Renzy was it?”

“You actually remembered my name…”

“Yeah sure, your nickname’s special sounding…” and he finishes with a smile.

“Nothing’s special with my name kid—“

“—Michael”

“Right, Micky, look, nice meeting you but I have to go”

“Wait, I was wondering if you could show me around and stuff? I don’t know anyone here and what not…”

“Uhm, hi to you too. You’re too friendly you know? And quit smiling all the time. It’s unnatural”

“I don’t think it’s unnatural to let a person see that you trust them” I can’t believe this new kid is actually telling me off.

“Mighty big words there mate. We just don’t do that here. If you wanna live, do as everyone does.”

“Well, sometimes, you have to change things to make it better.”

“…” he had a point I couldn’t understand. What’s what though, was that Michael here had gotten my interest. Something in what he said made me want to hear more. An apologetic wave to my friends later, and I found myself looking at Michael again as though he were foreign. He was, actually.

“So, Micky, you coming or what? We only have an hour to eat you know, and around here we’re not so good at making proper lines at the canteen. “

I swear, it really wasn’t me, the things I was doing. After only a few minutes of meeting Michael, I’m right here lunching with him, a pleasure I’d usually have with my closed group of friends. Yet, here was a complete stranger in front of me, talking with me like we were long-time buddies.

“You know, this is just weird.” I thought out loud

“What is? That we’re here talking a lot even if we’ve just met?”

“Exactly. You know, this isn’t really the thing here. You don’t strike friendships here, you make them, and it takes a while. What’s more, usually, nice and friendly people like you end up being the slave to someone else’s home work, or project…”

“The things you’ve told me…like I said before, maybe we should do something about them? I mean, if we know that something we do is wrong, we ought to change it right? We could do something better then, like, if we just try and talk to everyone instead of keeping mum about ourselves, we’d all get to know each other and be friends much sooner.”

“Look Michael, you can’t just change, what we do…it’s, it’s….what we do! Even though sometimes, it doesn’t seem that nice to follow, I mean, it’s still like a rule. You just follow. You can’t just come and change everything. People won’t like it.”

“Maybe it’s time to change the way we do things. Maybe ‘cuz it’s better if we did. Nothing will happen to us if we don’t accept change you know. We shouldn’t get stuck in just one place, we need to go forward. That’s what school is for isn’t it? Teaching us things to help us go forward.”

“You sound like you belong in a rally. Fighting for something that will never come… Look mate, maybe you’re right, but people don’t care. We’ve gotten used to being the same, and we don’t care to change.”

“You say you don’t care, and yet you’re here eating with me, talking about changing things.” Again with that smile.

“well, I…” what could I have said? I was lost for words. I settled for punching his arm for being all wise on me.

Michael had his charms. For some reason, we became sort of like friends after that. I knew he had a point in his words, and I knew a part of me wanted to listen. But then again, impossibility dawned on me. A one man crusade would be a one man burial. That is what I believed would happen to him. I just hang around him to keep him from trouble.

As the school year ploughed on, Michael was still trying to be the harbinger of change to what he believed was a social structure that needed to go. Some of us in our class pitied him, and those became his sort of friends as well. Others humored him while others barely tolerated him. He had friends-ish and enemies in our class. But through all that he never lost that kind demeanor and that bright, albeit occasionally annoying streak of enthusiasm.

Unfortunately, what I feared would happen to him, eventually did. As time went by, his kindness and difference opened him to abuse. It was inevitable I guess…

“Micky, I’m telling you. Just say no for once and let other people do their things in the project. You can’t and you shouldn’t do everything.”

“I don’t wanna feel useless Renzy. I wanna help. When I let group mates decide and work, I always get left out for some reason. I wanna do more; I wanna contribute what I can.”

“But look what’s happening Micky. Some of our classmates are getting pissed, and some of them are just playing with you, while some are just using your eagerness to make you do their jobs. I think even you’d know that that’s wrong. Doing nothing is better than being treated like a dog”

“Don’t worry Renzy, I can do this, you’ll see. I can make them change.”

“You’re just being stubborn now. Fine, I’ve already offered you my help. Do what you want.”

“Renzy…”

Yeah I was pissed. He was being stubborn and arrogant. He wouldn’t see reason anymore. I stopped talking to him. He tried to talk to me several times, but I kept telling him off. I guess, what I really wanted to tell him, was that, you can’t change anything alone. But I never told him that.

It was sudden actually, when the final blow happened. It was around the last months of school. We had a school project where we had to do a film on a novel. I was in a different group, so I didn’t exactly know. From what I heard, Michael had a scuffle with their director, saying he had some ideas on how to make the script better. After they finished filming, the group was pretty much miffed at Michael to some point. Someone else in the group was supposed to do post-production. But they all pressured Michael to do it, since, they said, he was eager to change some things in it.

That decision was made only a day before the thing was to be submitted. Try as he did, Michael couldn’t excel while rushing. He stayed up till morning to barely finish it. So he had the CD brought here by a friend while he stayed home since he wasn’t in a right state. Their project wasn’t as good as their group had planned, and the next day, when Michael goes back to school, his whole group greets his face with very unlikable terms and various expressions of extreme irritation.

Two things changed after that. First, and more surprisingly, the change came from the class, and there wasn’t a more unsightly change to be seen. At the time Michael’s group disowned him, everyone else who was ever pissed with Michael started dissing him and treating him like crap. My classmates weren’t like this before.

There were those who pitied him. They were the ones who kept away. I was one of them. I just stood by and watched how his change came about.

That one other thing that changed was Micky. He was never himself after that. He wasn’t cheery anymore; he hardly recited nor spoke anymore. Group works to him were torture, since most of his group mates would just disregard him and ignore him.

I didn’t talk to Micky either, this time though, out of guilt and shame. From what I heard, he was just waiting for the school year to end, so that he wouldn’t get hurt anymore.

A few days before class ended, I got the courage to talk to him.

“Hey, school’s out in a few days huh? Can’t believe it’s summer already….”

“I guess…I remember the first time we met…” he gave me a sad smile.

“Hey, listen..I…”

“It’s okay. I know what you were gonna say. I don’t blame you.”

“Michael, what happened back then…”

“It’s done. We don’t need to talk about it…I’ll tell you this though. We all need to change some time…we can’t stop it, and we can’t just be the same. But then there’s a good side and bad side to it. It all depends on how you want to change. You have to decide, but never stay in the middle. You’ll be nothing then.”

“I can’t believe you’re still being a philosopher on me.” I was getting pretty awkward as I didn’t miss that hint of accusation.

“I just wanna say, thanks, for being the only real friend I had…’

It hurt a lot when I heard him say that. It was sincere, and yet an accusation at the same time. A few days later, summer came. Our class lost contact with each other after that, only meeting again next year in different sections. Micky transferred schools, and we never heard of him again. Rumors spread though that he never did well in any of the schools he transferred to after that, and that he became an arrogant jerk over time. My classmates over the years also changed drastically, in ways I’d rather not mention.

It was only then that I realized what Mick said about change, and about its outcome depending on how you accept it. I only realized after I saw how everyone else changed in ways I never, and would rather have not imagined.