-------A college professor was preparing his students for a big midterm. He said, "I've gone over all of the notes and answered everyone's questions — now for a final word. There will be no excuses accepted for not having the work done. No 'My dog ate it,' no 'I had to work,' no stories about a big party." One wise guy yelled out, "How about sexual exhaustion?" The professor said, "Nope — you'll just have to learn how to write with your other hand!"
---------Three old ladies are sitting in the park on a beautiful spring day feeding the pigeons and the squirrels, when suddenly, a man in a long trench coat jumps in front of them and throws open his coat. He's completely naked under his jacket. The three old ladies haven't seen such a thing in a very long time, and their blood pressure shoots up quickly. The first old lady lets out a gasp and has a stroke. The second old lady sees this and it's too much for her — she gasps and has a stroke, too. The third old lady didn't have a stroke — she was sitting too far away and couldn't reach.
---------This guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me! My penis is turning orange!" The doctor says," Well, what do you do for a living?" The man replies, "I'm unemployed. I just sit at home all day eating Cheetos and watching pornos."
---------A pregnant woman walks into a bank one day to withdraw some cash, when the bank is robbed. Bullets fly everywhere, and she herself gets three in the abdomen. She is immediately rushed to hospital with fear that her soon-to-be child is dead. The doctors find out that in fact she is pregnant with triplets, not one of whom is hurt. Yet the doctors cannot find the bullets anywhere. The woman later gives birth to three healthy children — two girls a boy.
Shortly after the triplets turned 12, the first girl comes running up to her mother, saying, "Mommy, mommy, I passed a bullet today in the toilet!" So the mother brings the child up in her lap and proceeds to tell her about the bank robbery 12 years ago. Shortly after that, the other girl comes running up saying "Mommy, mommy, I passed a bullet today!" So again the mother pulls the child up to her lap and tells her of the incident 12 years ago.
Later the boy runs up to his mom and says, "Mommy, mommy, you'll never guessed what happened today!" "Did you pass a bullet as well?" she asks. "No," he answers. "I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"
----------Zack comes home from school one day and is met at the door by his grandmother, who asks what he learned in school today. He replied, "We learned about sex." His grandmother just stands there, almost in shock. Then later that day she tells his mother about their conversation, and the kid's mom says, "Mother, sex IS a regularly studied subject in school these days."
Later that evening, grandmother walks past Zack's room, sees him vigorously masturbating, and says to him, "After you finish your homework, come down for dinner."
----------A kid is masturbating behind his garage. His dad happens to walk nearby and hears him. His dad says, "Stop that, boy! It'll make you go blind!" The boy shouts back, "Dad! I'm over here!"
----------Billy's father had a lot of guns around the house and was always telling Billy things about guns and how to take care of them, etc. Well, one day Billy was in the tub masturbating, and his mother walked in just as he was ejaculating. She stormed out, and Billy chased after her, saying, "I wasn't playing with myself! I was just cleaning it and it went off!"
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